The-Mommy-Voice Advantage

Despite what some family, doctors and teachers did - or did not tell us.... It was my Mommy Voice that propelled us forward on this journey and continues to do so today.  It is what I listen to on the days that hit me over the head with any number of things, among them -- lack of support in the system,  sleeplessness,  utter chaos, exasperation, or occasional feelings of hopelessness that this situation sometimes offers up.  And over time, I've honed the skill of using The Voice as my compass.

In my last post  I wrote about early intervention and our own preschool experience.  Once we figured out our son was not neuro-typical, here's how it all went down.  My son's next teacher (Montessori Pre-k) informed us he was that kid who was unable to focus on tasks and disruptive to others who were trying to do theirs. (Later, we learned he was triggered by large, loud, active rooms. Stimulated so much by them that the poor kid would run defensive laps around the room).  His teachers didn't have the skills to really help him, nor were they able to steer us with what to do next. 

Once we got the gist that our child was struggling because he was not neuro-typical -- and learned that some experts assert the optimal time for critical brain pathways to develop is thru age 7 -- pretty much all hell broke lose for me and my husband.  We felt desperate to help our child as quickly as we could.

First, I took the kiddo to his pediatrician, who literally told me he looked like a typical excited boy and that lots of boys start out that way.  Seriously.  Like it was in my head and I was an overly worried mom!!  That's when my loving, vigilant, primal inner Mommy Voice took rank forevermore.  (Since I'm the one writing this, I'm taking liberties calling it the Mommy Voice, but I've found that in our family,  Daddy's Inner Voice is also dependable).

So here I was taking on the Kaiser system...without any expertise in the subject.  My Mommy Voice politely and firmly replied to the pediatrician:  His teacher has been teaching this class for years, she is an expert in kids his age.   I trust her judgment in that he is not neuro-typical.  She can tell the difference.  I've seen him in his class and agree with her.  Please connect me with someone who can properly diagnose him.

Thankfully the pediatrician could see I wasn't going to take no for an answer, bowed to the Voice, and dispensed a referral to the single Developmental Pediatrician in the area network at that time.   Yes, that's right the ONE, with appointments only available months out.  It would still be months for our insurance network to diagnose and then open up the door for *partial* support and coverage.  By this time it was feeling like a battlefield on multiple fronts, without any weapons.  It was that Mommy Voice that became my General and told me to trek on without waiting months for our health insurance process to kick in:  Find a new, more inclusive place for kiddo to spend his days;  Try to get a diagnosis and some support for him as soon as possible.  But how? Where to start??

The community of those who parent kids with special needs is truly magnetic and grounding.  They are drawn to each other and go out of their way to help each other, because they get it.  They get how it feels to be so helpless about something so big and out of control - and that it may just be the hardest thing you'll ever face.  So even though they are in their own messy full life, I've found they are typically there for every step that you ask.  (Both friends online, and helpful groups online).  My best next step was to meet with this altruistic mom who imparted on me the best steps she took to help her own son.  Her tips provided me with the necessary guidance while I waited for that blasted doctor appointment.   Among her best:  Find a Pediatric Occupational Therapist (OT), for which a doctor's referral is not necessary.  Find a Naturopath/eastern medicine who is an expert in kids with challenges.  I did both and she was right  --  they warrant entirely separate blog posts. 

It was the Voice that navigated our journey - fed by my Trusty Tribe and the love of my son.  Goodness knows it wasn't expertise in anything.  My trusty inner Mommy Voice reminds me that when it comes to my family my instincts and heart are just as valid as what the expert tells me; but also to listen discerningly to the experts; that whatever-is-hitting-me-on-the-head... shall pass and remember to rise up; that it is my job to always advocate and do my best; that if it is hard for me, it harder for him; that I was meant to be served up these lessons and hone these skills (which undergo continuous improvement); and that my son makes me a better person.   And...so....I listen.

What does your Inner Voice tell you....Are you listening?